Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Impressions given but not intended...

I have an issue with things. Shocking, I know. My issue today is something that happened last night. I HATE being made to feel bad. I hate being made to feel bad by making someone else feel bad. Hate hate hate.

So. Who did I make to feel bad? Why do I feel bad for making them feel bad?

A friend wanted to do heroic Underbog. I say, sure. I need badges. I like heroic UB. It's fun. She needs one more DPS and a tank. I sign up for the DPS. Now the tank.

Another friend offers to tank it. He's a new 70 druid. He only just hit honored with CE. He's only tanked 3 or 4 other instances. I wasn't in charge of the group or I'd have said no... Unfortunately, the person in charge and the other people wanted to do a guild run.

We didn't even get up the ramp before Hungarfen before we called it. Someone died on every. single. pull. Usually the healer. Usually me and the other main DPS too.

Underbog gets a bad reputation and people think it's an easy heroic because UB is a low level instance. And it's short. And it's sweet. And with few exceptions, you don't have big massive pulls -- a four pull is the most you have to handle at once.

And people think they can tank it without any problems with gear that they could tank regular Slabs or SH with. You can't. The giants hit like trucks. If you're shy on CC, you have multiple car-hitting mobs on the tank or healer or wherever the hell they decide they want to be. Even with appropriate CC -- hunter, mage, warlock (my preferred grouping for CC in UB) -- there are pulls where you can't CC and you have to tank multiple truck-sized monsters. A newly keyed, newly 70 tank probably can't handle it.

Some of it was technique. He's a new tank. Some of it was over-geared-DPS in the form of an elemental shaman and myself. We unfortunately didn't take into account his newtankness and acted like he was an established firm tank and didn't let him establish good aggro before we started dotting and casting. Some of it was healer aggro. The tank gear wasn't the best, so he took a lot of damage, so the healer had to heal lots, so the healer got aggro, and the tank didn't have a good hold on aggro, and.. you probably see where this was going. So did we.

Now, I have a druid tank. Granted, she isn't the best druid tank out there, but I've tanked many times with her. I've tanked the HH, the CE, the TK... you initial it, I've tanked in it. (I don't think I've done Shattered Halls or one of the TK's, but I don't recall what ones.) So I was trying to give him tips on aggro, how to up his aggro, how to lower healer aggro, how to hold initial aggro on multiple mobs when the healer is getting lots of initial aggro.

Unfortunately, I think that made him feel bad. :( I didn't mean to have him feel bad.

I have a feeling. I think a lot of people think I'm a snob or mean when I give them /tells with suggestions. I'm not being an elitist. I'm honestly trying to help solve a problem that I see. And I try to do it without shouting it in ventrilo or party chat. I'd hope someone would do that for me if they see me doing something wrong. But I fear it gives the impression that I'm an elitist. It's an impression that is no doubt strengthened by the fact that I took my warlock out of my old guild to raid, even though my old guild is trying to become a raiding guild. This had little to do with a vast majority of the people in the guild and more to do with a few very particular not going to go away issues I had with the way the raids were run and organized.

But I think people think I'm ... an elitist. A mean bitchy snob.

I know I give that impression. I'm a good warlock. I'm a good player. I have alts in every walk of life so I can usually toss my three cents in on any situation that is going on. And it gives that impression.

I'm sure after I left the group (after it was called, and I had to go to bed) that those particular people were talking about how evil I was. :( Well, I'm not SURE, but my paranoid side (what warlock doesn't have a paranoid side? It's the left and right sides of our personalities) insists that they were just waiting for me to leave before they started to talk about me. :(

Things like this make me not want to party with my old guild. Not because of them, but because of me. I'd rather party with a PUG because if I make that tank feel bad by well intentioned advice, or any other person in that group, I don't feel bad if they feel bad!

Right now, I feel terrible. Like I kicked a puppy.


  1. It's hard to give advice to people who desperately need it if they aren't in the "mood" to listen. There's nothing else you could have done (imo).
    I've been booted from some groups because I offered advice that came off 'elitist', even though it wasn't intended that way. I'm sorry you feel bad, but sooner or later, he will hear it a few more times and actually start to pay attention.

  2. was this druid tank mikeyboi? If so don't feel bad. He's horrible and was gently encouraged to leave the guild last night, which he did.

    BTW, had a great time in Gruul's with you. Everyone felt real comfortable with you.

    I hope you stick around.


  3. The druid tank wasn't Mikeyboi. No plans on leaving No Drama at the current moment! :)

  4. Just talk to him again and explain. To often we don't and that only makes the problem bigger. He might say it was np. But who wouldnt. Explain and say sorry if making you feel bad. Then you have done all that is possible.

  5. By the way. The first heroic I tanked was Mecha in blues. The dps was all in purple and the priest was used to heal a Kara geared tank.

    A bit into the instance I was thinking about making a macro:
    /p I'm so sorry that you died. My fault...

    Well - we cleared the place. It is a huge gap between SL and heroics.

  6. It's not your fault, it's the tanks. I've run with every single one of your toons and in my opinion your druid is a great tank. Your advice should be heeded. If people are dying on every pull, the group isn't working.

    I've said it before. Heroics are aren't just a gear check. They're a group dynamic check. Crowd Control is the most important thing in a heroic because group tanking takes a heavy toll. When I tank UB with Owaru, I pound the pally-stun skill Hammer of Justice. Even a 6 second break from two people pounding your face is enough of a relief to let the healer catch up. CC simply has to be on top of their game.

    As well, your tips and strats almost always make a better player out of the person you're advising. Anyone who says I'm doing well as a tank, basically has to thank Kikidas for it. Kikidas trained me. Showed me where the tough pulls were, told me I had to develop better situational awareness. Frankly, you and Boon gave me the confidence I needed for most of my toons.

    And that puppy totally had it coming.

  7. Man, Owaru.. I should pay you. You're the best PR guy friendship can buy!

    I just hate that sometimes my vaunted people skills fail me and I hurt people's feelings. :(