Changes, changes, changes...

Some of this post is venting, some of it is explaining and some of it is soundboarding. Read or don't read, contribute or don't contribute, as you see fit.

As you may have noted, of late my warlock blog has become a little less warlock themed and a little more alt-themed, with my posts ranging from random game minutia to paladins to shaman to priest to warlock to bear to quests to trivia to etc.

As such, I'm contemplating changing the title of my blog. Still at kdots since, why not, but a different title page than 'More dots!'.

I just don't know what I'd change it to! More alts! More alts! just doesn't have the same ring to it, imnsho.

Other changes that may be in the air is I'm contemplating retiring as an officer in my guild. Right now, I'm basically just a guild-invite program. And that doesn't seem fair to the other officers. I have given to my guild, ideas, time, effort, and I'm contemplating taking some time to just be me and play the game, without worrying about leveling this character for the guild, but instead leveling my character for me.

I already feel very guilty that my retribution paladin is level 79 and my next highest is my restoration shaman at 73. My tank(s) hasn't(haven't) been touched. My 'main stream' DPS classes haven't really been touched either. Yet I can't find it in myself to level them right now. And I hate feeling guilty for it. I'm not the only officer, nor am I the only officer leveling a DPS as opposed to a tank or healer, but me being me... being raised Roman Catholic with a heavy dose of Italian Grandma... I can't help but wince and wonder when people are going to pounce on me and say, "Why are you leveling THAT? You're going to go prot/holy with her, right? You surely aren't staying RET, right?!" and that is exactly what I am going to do - stay retribution with my paladin.

I'm having too much fun enjoying the game with Kvasira, and then I feel guilty for it. That isn't how I want to play, y'know? My paladin started ret. Has been ret. And will stay ret.

And I want to stop feeling guilty about who I play and who I take to instances and who I sign up to go on raids with.

I started Guild Event Days for the guild and organized several of them, but then people stopped showing up and I lost interest in trying to organize something for people who didn't show up. Another officer has taken over running GED's, and I'm glad because they are an awesome idea for a friend-oriented guild and I'd hate for my apathy for anything officer-related to kill a great idea.

I used to help organize raids, but I stopped that a while back, for a variety of reasons, and haven't started it yet again. Granted, the only raids we could do would be the old 10-mans in BC and Classic, but I still have no interest in trying to organize it. Figuring out who to take, why to take them, why to have someone go as someone else, trying to balance raid utility and classes and this and that and blah blah blah. I don't want to do it anymore.

I tend to be a bossy person, especially in something I feel I do well. I think I have a good handle on people and their abilities and I put out an expectation and I find that usually people live up to that expectation. And I feel that given those things, how well I do things, the effort I put into things, that my opinion should count for something.

The downside to my personality is that when I have my face rubbed in the fact that I'm a bossy person, I get horrified. I wasn't raised to be a bossy person. I was raised to be a good little Catholic Italian girl and wash the dishes and do the laundry and keep my mouth shut when other people are talking so I don't hurt their feelings with my own inconsequential thoughts. Now, I say that and I tell you that my parents did not realize they were raising me that way, and undoubtedly would be horrified if they realized that I equated my upbringing with that outcome, and then they'd laugh at the mere thought that I came out that way (because I didn't), but I still know that's the way I should be.

So I get horrified, my opinion made to be less than I thought it was worth, and I go crawl into a hole made of my own shattered self-esteem, pride and emotions. It's a vicious cycle. And instead of scaling back my behavior, I go 180 to what I was, so instead of being bossy and authoritative about what I'm doing, I go to not participating much at all.

Such is me.

Such happened to me not too long ago. I did what my bossy opinion told me was the right thing to do, based on what I knew about the game, the mechanics involved, etc, etc, and it blew up in my face.

So poof, I go to not organizing anything.

So, I don't organize, I don't participate except to say 'I'll go as whatever' and I do nothing except feel guilty about shirking my self-imposed leveling duties.

So I ask myself, "Why am I an officer? Is it a rank thing? So I can say 'I'm an officer!'"

What is power without responsibility? I'm not abusing my power, but I'm not doing anything with it either. Is it still then appropriate for me to be an officer? Or worse, am I an officer for no other reason than time spent in the guild and the sheer amount of alts that I have?

I'm not saying anyone did this, but my paranoia can't help but say...

"Make K an officer, so this way we can tap any of her alts we want to have come, rather than waiting for her to offer it herself."

In other news, my warlock has not moved much in the last little bit, and I've fallen far behind the raiding guild requirement of level 80 by December 1st. I don't think they CARE that she isn't level 80, but I don't feel comfortable keeping her in a raiding guild if I'm not planning on raiding with her anytime really soon. Yet more of the 'if I'm sitting in there taking up a spot (not that a virtual spot takes much room anyway), I should be doing what is expected. So if I'm not doing what is expected, maybe I should not be there.'

We're going on vacation for the holidays starting the 22nd until New Years Eve. Honestly, I can't wait for the break. Not that I'm not enjoying the heck out of the expac, but I think I need to take some time and evaluate where I want to go with the game, where I find myself going and what I want to do next.

And damnit, I need an epic flying mount on my paladin. Boon spends most of our in-flight time zooming circles around me and making train noises.

Living up to Expectations

The phrase "Living up to expectations"... that means that whatever I expect you to do, is what you do. If I expect you to single-heal BT, and you do, then that's living up to expectations. Godly expectations, but nevertheless, you did it.

The reverse is also true. If I expect that you can't even heal VC as a level 60+ healer and you do... that's also living up to expectations. Or maybe it should be termed 'living down to expectations'. Whatever.

This holds true to lots of avenues of life. And sometimes, we become what others expect. When it's expecting UP, making yourself better so you fit into what someone expects of you, that's a good thing. However, a lot of times, people don't expect much from us, and we take that as permission to ... not be our best. We go down. We do what they expect from us because we don't get credit or it isn't "worth it" somehow to do MORE. And then that becomes what we are.

To some extent, I can understand what WoW is doing. You have a very large player base. You want more people. You want smart people and dumb people, basically anyone who can spend 15 bucks a month, to play your game. So you have to make it so that all those people, smart, dumb and in between, can play your game.

You begin by making a quest log that keeps track of everything. How many mobs you need to kill, what items you need to get, and even a summary of where to find said things so that if you're spam-quest-collecting, you can go back and read the quest afterwards to figure out where to go. Almost everything is soloable or duoable. That's how it used to be. They didn't even have the quest tracker for you. If you wanted to know how many more whatevers you needed, you had to open your quest log.

Yet still, you had people saying 'Where do I go for this?' or 'how do I get that?'. Sometimes, the best answer was 'Did you read your quest log?'. ... "No."... *bangs head on desk* The question is, do you help these people? Do you take them by the hand and lead them through their quests?

Other times, and admittedly there are a few quests still out there that takes some exploring and some deduction and isn't spelled out in a 'How to...' manner. And those questions, you ask and the answer is 'Yes.'. And it's one of THOSE quests and you know that this person did try their best, but need some help. And you help because that's the right thing to do.

The other person, the one who doesn't read their log or can't be bothered to... there are multiple thoughts on these people. Some people are of the 'I'm a nice helpful person! So I will help!', and take them by the hand and lead them down the road of their quests. These people, in their effort to help, are perpetuating the 'down' expectation. They can't be expected to read their quest log on their own! And look, they get REWARDED for not doing so! They have some nice person do the quest for them. Yippee!

Other people do the middle of the road method, which I do. I help to a certain point. I'll direct them to their quest log, or to one of the websites. I'll even ask leading questions like 'Doesn't your quest log tell you where the cave is?', and hopefully I'm rewarded with a 'Oh! It does! Thanks'.

Then there are some that are rude about it and get snarky and smarmy and offensive. Maybe these are people who, at one point in time, maybe started out nice and helpful, then moved to the middle of the road and finally are fed up enough that they've become angry.

Because WoW is altering the game to live down to the expectation of people who can't be bothered to read. Or look. Or try.

We now have sparklies over quest pick up items. And dots on the mini-map. And way points. Next they'll probably make a little path that appears in game for you. Or a spirit dude will appear to lead you by the nose to the next step.

I will admit, the quest giver exclamation points are nice, and let you discover where quests are more easily. But ... c'mon. How dumbed down is the game going to get before we tell people ... it's time for us to stop living DOWN to your expectation and time for you to start living up to ours.